YOU MIGHT BE A LUTHERAN
IF...

You
might be a Lutheran if...
- you
hold your hymnal open for the entire service but never look down at it.
- you
serve jello only in the proper liturgical color.
- your choir believes that what it lacks in tonality
it makes up for in volume.
- the church is on fire and you rush in to save the coffee pot.
- you think you're paying your pastor too much
if he buys a new car for the first time in nine years.
- you know church is going to be absolutely packed on Easter
but you get there late anyway.
- you're watching
Star Wars on DVD, and when they say,
"may the force be with you," you reply, "and also with
you."
- J. S. Bach is your favorite composer just because he was Lutheran.
- you feel guilty about not feeling guilty.
- you actually think the pastor's jokes are funny.
- you dress up as your favorite reformer for Halloween.
- the only mealtime prayer you know is "Come Lord Jesus"
and you can say it in one breath.
- you believe there's an 11th Commandment that states,
"if it's never been done that way before, don't do it."
- your Baptist friends think you're a
Catholic.
- your Catholic friends think you're a
Baptist.
- you sing "Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus" while sitting down.
- all your relatives graduated from a school named "Concordia."
- you know the difference between a "collect" and a "gradual."
- you hate the new hymnal.
- you love the new hymnal.
- you make change in the offering plate for a $5 bill.
- your idea of a mixed marriage is an ELCA bride
and an LCMS groom.
- you're
47 years old and your parents still won't
let you date a Roman Catholic.
- you know how to say "Melanchthon" in German.
- you hum "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" while mowing the lawn.
- your LCMS pastor refers to St. Louis as "the Holy City."
- when you're agreeing with someone, instead of saying,
"yes I agree," you say, "this is most certainly true."
- you
and your family of seven go to a Lenten supper at your church and leave a free will offering
of $2.
- you
go to a Lenten supper at your church and skip
the service after the meal.
- your church uses folding chairs but you call them "pews."
- rather than introducing yourself to a visitor at church,
you
check their name out in the guest book.
- you think the way Calvinists number the commandments
is
not only incorrect but heretical.
- the Sunday bulletins at your church are 17 pages long.
- you hold up the line at the end of the service.
- you insist on spelling "catholic" with a small "c."
- you know it's wrong to applaud during the service.
- you doodle on the back of communion cards.
- every time something changes, the old way was better.
- they have to rope off the last pews in church so the front isn't empty.
- your house is a mess because you're saved by grace, not by works.