CHRISTIAN JOKES - PART 4
Things
Never Heard In Church
1.
Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
2.
I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over
time.
3.
Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4.
I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV
evangelists.
5.
I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School
class.
6.
Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can
live like we do.
7.
I really love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8.
Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
9.
Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10.
Nothing inspires
me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
Three
pastors, a Baptist, a Presbyterian and Lutheran are discussing what they would
like people to say after they die and their bodies are on display in open
caskets.
The
Baptist preacher says, "I would like someone to say, 'He was a righteous
man, an honest man, and a generous man.'"
The
Presbyterian minister says, "I would like someone to say, 'He was very kind
and fair, and he was very good to his parishioners.'"
The Lutheran pastor says, "I want someone to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
A
man was out hunting bears one day. As he trudged through the forest
looking for the beasts, he came upon a large and steep hill.
Thinking
that perhaps there would be bear on the other side of the hill, he climbed up
the steep incline and, just as he was pulling himself up over the last
outcropping of rocks, a huge bear met him nose to nose.
The
bear roared fiercely. The man was so scared that he lost his balance and
fell down the hill with the bear not far behind. As he tumbled down the
hill, the man lost his gun. When he finally stopped at the bottom, he
found that he had a broken leg. Escape was impossible, and so the man, who
had never been particularly religious, prayed this prayer: "Dear God,
if you will make this bear a Christian, I will be happy with whatever lot you
give me for the rest of my life."
The bear was no more than three feet away from the man when it stopped dead in its tracks... looked up to the heavens quizzically... and then fell to its knees and prayed in a loud voice, "O Lord, bless this food of which I am about to partake."
One beautiful Sunday morning, a preacher ascended the pulpit and made an announced to his congregation. "Brothers and sisters, I have here in my hands three sermons...a $1,000 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $500 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a $100 sermon that lasts one full hour. Now, we'll take the offering and see which one I'll deliver."