CHRISTIAN JOKES - PART 3

A PRAYER

Dear God, so far today, I've done all right.
I haven't gossiped and I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been grumpy, nasty, or selfish, and I'm really glad of that!
But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm going to need A LOT of help.  

Thanks.  Amen.

THE CHRISTIAN BARBER

There was a Christian barber who thought he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately.  So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed to say his morning prayers, he said, "Lord, today I'm going to witness to the first customer that walks through my door."

Soon after he opened his shop a man came in and said, "I need a shave!"  The barber said, "Yes sir!  Just have a seat in that chair and I'll be with you in a moment."  The barber went in the back and prayed a quick prayer saying, "Lord, the first customer just came in and I'm going to witness to him.  So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say.  Amen."

Then the barber came out with his straight razor in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying, "Good morning sir.  I have a question for you:  are you ready to die?"

ACTS 2:38

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service when she was startled by an intruder.  As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop!  Acts 2:38!"

The burglar quickly turned around and started to pull out his gun when she yelled again, "Stop!  Acts 2:38!"

This time the man stopped dead in his tracks, dropped his gun, and begged for mercy.  The woman tied him up and calmly called the police.  A short time later, an officer arrived at the house.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked him, "Why did you just stand there?  All the old lady did was yell a Scripture verse to you."

The burglar exclaimed, "Scripture verse?  I thought she said she had an ax and two 38s."

THE DOORBELL

A priest was walking down the street one day when he noticed a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.  However, the boy was very small and the doorbell was too high for him to reach.

After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest stepped across the street, walked up behind the little fellow, and placed his hand gently on the child's shoulder.  Looking kindly at the young boy, the priest leaned over and gave the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiled benevolently and asked, "And now what, young man?"

The boy replied, "Now we run!"