CHURCH FOOTBALL

QUARTERBACK SNEAK
Church members who leave immediately after communion.

DRAW PLAY
What some kids do to the bulletins and hymnals during worship.

HALFTIME
The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.

BENCH WARMER
Those who do not sing, pray, or otherwise participate during the service.

FACE MASK
Not greeting or acknowledging the person sitting next to you in the pew.

BACKFIELD IN MOTION
Making a trip to the restroom or water fountain during the sermon.

STAYING IN THE POCKET
What happens to a lot of the offerings.

ILLEGAL SUBSTITUTION
In response to the pastor's "The Lord be with you," the worshippers say "And also with you" instead of "And with thy spirit."

FALSE START
An unclear hymn introduction after which the organist starts the first verse of the hymn before the worshippers realize they're supposed sing.

ILLEGAL FORMATION
Worshippers who insist on always sitting in the back pews.

INELIGIBLE RECEIVER
A visitor coming to Holy Communion without first speaking with the pastor.

DELAY OF GAME
Too many announcements prior to the worship service.

PERSONAL FOUL
When you don't like the hymns.

ENCROACHMENT
Toddlers crawling under the communion rail.

PASS INTERFERENCE
Children reaching for the offering plate as it's being handed down the pew.

ROUGHING THE PASTOR
Mistreating the minister for faithfully carrying out his pastoral duties.

SPECIAL TEAMS
Sunday school, choir, committees, and other church groups people find excuses for not joining.

TOO MANY MEN ON THE FIELD
When the usher miscounts and allows more people to come to the communion rail than can comfortably fit.

TWO MINUTE WARNING
The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over.

SUDDEN DEATH
What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the pastor's
sermon goes into overtime.

QUICK COUNT
Dashing for the exit just as the acolyte extinguishes the final altar candle.

END RUN
Getting out of church quickly without speaking to any guest, fellow member, or the pastor.

FLEX DEFENSE
The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.

CHOP BLOCK
Christians gossiping about one another.

HALFBACK OPTION
When 50% of the congregation chooses not to stay for the evening service after the potluck supper.

BLITZ
The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

ILLEGAL EQUIPMENT
Cell phones in church.