CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS - PART 2
Bloopers as seen in actual church bulletins

• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"  Come early and listen to our choir practice.
• The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
• Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
• The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM.  Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread, and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:  "I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours."
• The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.  It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Don't forget your husbands.
• Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'.  Bring your own hot dogs and guns.  Friends are welcome!  Everyone come for a fun time.
• Smile at someone who is hard to love.  Say "hell" to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
• The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
• The sermon this morning:  "Jesus walks on the water."   The sermon tonight:  "Searching for Jesus."
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.  They need all the help they can get.
• The "Over 60s Choir" will be disbanded for the summer with thanks.
• The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
• The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
• Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service.  The pastor will then speak on "It's a terrible experience."
• Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions.  She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
• Don't miss this Saturday's exhibit by Christian martian arts.
• The minutes were approved.  The secretary then gave a grief report.
• Lift up our Messianic brothers and sisters in Israel who are suffering during our prayer time.
• Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth.
• Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
• Brother Lamar has gone on to be the Lord.
• The pastor will light his candle from the altar candles.  The ushers will light their candle from the pastor's candle.  The ushers will turn and light each worshipper in the first pew.
• Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.